My Vairagya

Experience: Vairagya
Remembering the Self

“With constant Remembrance of the Self, Vairagya, all yearnings fade.”

“Sanskrit, the language of the sutras, is particularly well suited to this heart-centered approach because it is vibrational language, on win which words resonate through countless layers of meaning. When this powerful vibrational language is translated literally into a very logical and straightforward language like English, many of its subtleties may be lost. The strength of the English language lies in precise, concrete explanations. It is less powerful when describing the subtler realms, the unite of the feminine and the masculine, and especially the intuitive realm.”

-‘The Secret Power of Yoga’ Nischala Joy Devi


While partially integrating the Experience of Vairagya, as instructed on pages 49-50 [The Secret Power of Yoga], I realized that the English language was the limit that I have had this whole time. The poetic & beautiful are ambiguous, along with the spiritual & divine. With a language that has been described to be so linear, it only makes sense that it was so very difficult for me to make it back home; to remember myself.

         While I attempted to write this essay, I had a discussion with my boyfriend [Chris]. As it goes below:

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The In Between

The moment. 

You love having conversations,

This time it has to be: sagacious. 
The mood. 

You enjoy the solitude,

This soul doesn’t mind out standing periods of silence. 
In between. 

The moods and moments. 

Moods that conceive ideas.

Moments that drop back and quench your spirit. 
In between the people,

You will find inspiration. 

In between the attitudes,

You will see history. 

In between the lines,

You will read the truth. 
Have you found your In Between?
The space in between your reasons & lies?

The space in between your sanity & truth?

The space in between who you were supposed to be & who you are now?
Endeavor for your space. 

Drive for that lovely silence.

Your in between is the beginning you are looking for. 
It’s not the silence or the noise that creates it. 

Not the past or future that determines it. 
It is pure CHOICE. 

Where did you miss place your choice?

Your in between…?


It was just like looking right into the mirror of my shadow self.  The darkness overwhelmed me this time. Cried so hard that my nose bled. There wasn’t a way to surface for air for about two days.

Transparency took over my life for awhile & the idea of curling up only made me want to scream bloody murder. I only wanted to take off to find where my spirit had hidden my happiness….it wasn’t my spirit that hid it.  It’s that I hid my happiness inside your heart.

There is this long held belief that we put our happiness in someone who doesn’t deserve it.  Although, what happens when you place that happiness in someone who truly appreciates you?

The problem is: when something happens to shake our world, it truly is only to wake us up from our slumber.  Too many times do we waste our time stressing on the wrong subjects of our lives. When death visits the threshold of our lives, we have one of two responses:

  1. We run for the  hills, curl up inside our mind & refuse to feel it OR find an unhealthy outlet.
  2. The moment we allow it to hit us & feel it completely, we beginning the healing process quicker.

The truth is that in order to really feel anything, we MUST feel transparent to transform.  There is a profound transformation that happens when death comes around & knocks on our doors.  It shows our mortality & it risks the truth: that we really do feel and we know the same truth as everyone else; Our lives mean nothing without the justification of love & memories with the one person we may never get to express & show our feelings for again.


……..when the opportunity of showering our love on another is almost stolen from us, we see the transparency of our ego & that expressing our love for friends and family could possibly be the only true meaning in the creation of this vast universe & for being on this beautiful blue marble.



Copyright 2016

Clouds & Tall Trees

I, sometimes, ponder the things & people that float out of my life. But then I realize I’m a cloud trying to fit in with a bunch of really tall trees. It must be, that many judge me for floating because they were too afraid of the fall to float too . I will not remember the words you said but the actions you never took; I will love you regardless & watch the storm brew above yr head as I look down at you
& your self-inflicted issues. — Patience is my strong suit, if you don’t think so: then find out. 


Only five letters.

Of such incredible power.

The spirit behind the entire word.

It can bring your universe together,

Or blow your world apart.
A promise made,

Only three words create.
The detrimental,



marvelous grandeur in this single vessel.
Single words alone cannot be coherent.

Only with the lesson of loneliness,

Would a spirit truly understand this.
Because there is a place,

That not many wander to purposely.


       With much thought engendered this poem/riddle. Most at a young age won’t come to undersand the greatness behind this poem. Thus, it’s up to those who do, to set the example of what it’s like to feel there & to truly be present in the situations that we promised we would.

     It takes courage to continue on as the person that I see myself as in the future. It’s not easy continuing to watch people pull themselves down into oblivion of no-returns. How do you teach a person that they deserve better without getting angry? 

  1. You release all ownership of the gifts you give because once they were only a blessing to you.
  2. You purge the brainwashed idea of entitlement, as if you are owed anything.
  3. You remind yourself that you also one day will need support & blessings. Karma works like that,
  4. You MUST WALK YOUR TALK. Teach everyone by making an example of your life.

     I believe the most tremendous obstacle & biggest lesson that we, as a human race, must learn is to humble ourselves & stop with the ego trips because it’s unattractive & a waste of the life you are living.  Life is built on servitude & joy. You do not have joy without some type of servitude. If you believe otherwise, you are a fool & have a whole lotta learning to do.

Messes, Madness & Wisdom.

      Without messes, we cannot truly experience madness. Without feeling madness deeply, we cannot truly appreciate the experience & learn the hidden wisdom. And if all we see are messes then the madness serves no purpose & the wisdom will forever be lost to the jungles of superficiality & shallowness. Depth comes from the mess.