There was a time that you had power over my body, it had detrimental damage to my spirit. There was a moment in space that shook my entire being, it had troubled my mind for most of my life. That ghost of a child has been fulfilled with solutions to my damaged soul. It was Woman that saved me.
Dearest Man: You ask me why I do not trust you? Because your initial violence, at such an early stage in my life, handicapped my ability to feel any kind of safety. You ask me why I argue with you? Because my beginnings with you were that of the scars that I daringly show now.
Please save your apologies Man, that is not what healed me. For Woman’s loving kindness & magical energetic healing is what changed my entire soul. My world was protected & survived by Woman, not by your “strong arms” Man.
Dearest Man: You are strong without discipline; a villainous, lunatic superman. Your muscles did not cradle me but they shook my body, spirit & mind in all ways to break it; but the Goddess would have it differently within me than what your destructive strength would have had. Goddess would save me through the magical creatures called Woman.
Unfortunately for you, all that fear that you striked inside me: is gone now. Now it’s just a part of my story & I am not keeping it like a secret anymore because I don’t have to.
The Newborn that you tried to Shake Violently
Once Upon a Time, I found my voice & never let it stop. I held it so closely that they said, “She’s such a know it all.”. I didn’t let it go for a minute, so it seemed that maybe I was just talkative. I had my own voice and I wanted everyone to know it, so I formed a habit; apparently I was either bossy or argumentative. That is what happened when I did not agree with the popular opinion in many a group of friends that I had and eventually outgrew.
This is what happens to children who didn’t have much of a voice for themselves: either they become too loud for the world to take them seriously OR they never embrace the voice they have for fear of judgment of that ‘voice.’
I can still remember when I found my voice: my step father helped me see it. I was taught to not like my voice and to leave it alone because there was no room for the sound of it. Although my step father didn’t think so, he always encouraged me with reverse psychology (i.e. teasing me about how I might look or act on a day, etc.) and I developed my FIRE.
So it happened…the world displayed it’s displeasure with the sound of my voice again. It happened again. Although, the universe gave me a secret weapon to protect me against losing my voice again. This man doesn’t have an attitude that cares about the world and the shallow opinions of the very little information that it knows of him:
He’s my man & the father of my child.
This isn’t a story about how I was saved though.
It is a story about how I kept my voice even when the whole world wanted me to lose it again.
People will do anything to contribute to the loss of your own voice or the loss of credit behind the sound of your voice. When they do so:
- Remember that it is because their own insecurities screaming at your authenticity; it’s jealousy. Remember that someone who truly appreciates your individual voice and it’s unique sound will only encourage it.
- Recognize others when they want to be unique & honor the sound of their own anthems & voices.
- Don’t discredit others because you are afraid of endorsing them only to find out that their voice is more intuitive/knowledgeable/wise than your own; you can’t always be the best at everything.
Unfortunately we are raised in a society that thrives on the generation of ego-motivated actions/words. Even as we cultivate our self-awareness, forgive yourself often because the power of societies psychological conditioning runs very deeply in our minds. Cultivate patience for yourself so that you can catch yourself when following your egoic mind & leaving your loving heart and free spirit behind….also because you’ll have to run back to where you left them behind!
As for my voice, it will be singing it’s song; even when no one agrees with it. I wasn’t given a voice to agree and although I can not pinpoint exactly where my voice may lead me, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be living my life without regrets because without my voice, I am not who I was created to be, even if that’s not the same person that another person may remember.
For the person who has suffered a loss with their intuition/voice or “inner-knowing”: there is something you have left behind. The solution is not to figure out exactly “what” but to go back to “where” it all began. When/where did you begin to doubt yourself so much that you’ve suffered a loss of your authenticity?
Only you can answer this.